So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
