i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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