I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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