Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
COCAINE IS GR8
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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