You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize