I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
So much rum. So many feels.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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