If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just googled if crying burns calories
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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