I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We left an ass print on the piano.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
