how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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