got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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