If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
