I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
