don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
