I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
