walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
