What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
