Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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