wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I want a musical about memes.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
