I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
so let's talk penis.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
