i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
