he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
