Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
