wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
