You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
