I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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