i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
