My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
