1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
