arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize