Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
