So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
