How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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