So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize