You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
