I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize