This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
