There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
