i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
