i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
if only i could text you this smell
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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