Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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