Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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