it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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