im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
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