he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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