If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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