I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
