Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
