You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Buhtt sex?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
