My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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