I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
