At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
This house was built for laser tag.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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