i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
