I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
