Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
