? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
