i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
