nut hugger
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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