ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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