Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
