My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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