Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
