Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I want you more than these girls want KFC
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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