even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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