also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize