I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
